A STUDY OF THE DOCTRINE OF MARRIAGE

Introduction:

Divine Institutions

DEF: Those institutions established by God for the preservation and benefit of mankind living in a sin cursed world. Apply to both believer and unbeliever.

#1 - Capacity of Choice = volition Gen. 2:16-17

#2 - Marriage Gen. 2:18-25

#3 - Family Gen. 1:28

#4 - A System of law! Gen. 9:6

#5 - Nationalism Gen. 10-11

A. THE ORIGIN OF MARRIAGE

1. Must first begin with the creation of mankind, specifically, the immaterial 1:26-27.

2 Similarities in 1:26 "in God's image, after His likeness"

BOTH have a spiritual responsibility before God.

Distinctions are seen in verse 1:27 with the words male and female.

How did these similarities and distinctions get there? By Chance over time?? NO! BY DIVINE DESIGN IN CREATION.

To the degree, the extent that your disenchanted with your maleness or femaleness, it shows a spiritual disorientation to God and His Word!!

Principle that is always true: To choose to operate outside the framework, the parameters that God has established is to sin!!

B. THREE FOUNDATION STONES FOR THE ORIGIN OF MARRIAGE. Gen. 2:18-25

#1 Originates with a need; need was on the part of the man.

Important this is before the fall.

Order in creation is important.

Proof, 1 Tim 2:12, The context here is one of authority and he makes the application to the local church.

What's God saying to us here?

Since God created him first, gave him authority, What goes with it??

Marriage begins with a need!! Gen. 2:18

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone;

So the first foundation stone is that Marriage originates with a need. Gen. 2:18

"I will make a helper for him."

#1 - She is to be for him because she is from him.

#2 - she is to be "suitable for him." correspond to him, counterpart.

If she is to be suitable, to correspond to him, then logically we must conclude that God has designed and made her innately adequate for her responsibility.

If she corresponds to him and is suitable for him she is also equal.

> How can that be??

Even in the Trinity, where each is co-equal, co-eternal, having the same essence; Even there, there is a "chain of command."

Ø If there is to be order instead of chaos; someone ultimately must be responsible to make the final call.

#3 - "helper"; etzer

Now the woman who is married the scripture is clear she has two heads; Christ and the husband!

IDEAL: The divine design, both husband and wife are believers; and both have F/O/R of doctrine; and both applying it.

Out of all the words that God could have chosen this one word is chosen to describe what God intended the wife to be in relation to her husband.

Why should we know this word etzer? Why is it important?

#1 In Gen. 2:18 the woman was created an etzer, a helper as a counterpart.

Her purpose, role, function as a woman, as an etzer, was to aid him in fulfilling the will of God for his life.

**** In doing that she is fulfilling the will of God for herself.

#2 With the word etzer you have the basis of the woman's dignity!

Ø The 2nd Foundation Stone.

#2 - Marriage originates with God. Gen. 2:21-22

What is marriage? It is in God's eyes a return to this state of ONENESS.

- This oneness forms the basis for at least two things.

#1 - is Permanency in marriage; Mt 19:5-6

#2 - It is the basis of love Eph 5:28-30

Ø The 3rd foundation stone/principle

#3 - Marriage demands Priorities! Gen. 2:23-25

When you marry the priority shifts.

Marriage is not the extension of a home but the creation of a new one.

As a woman who has been very close to your mother while growing up, when you get married are you willing to put her always #2 and your husband #1?

> 2:24a we have the negative - "leave"

> 2:24b we have a positive - "cleave"

This is the first teaching on monogamy.

What's the general viewpoint today? I'm going to do what is right in my own eyes! That's all that counts!

What we should be saying is that I'm going to do what is right in His eyes, no matter what!

Summary!!

1. Origin of marriage, began with a need, companionship!

2. It originates with God and therefore is to honor God!

3. It establishes brand new priorities.

A STUDY OF THE DOCTRINE OF MARRIAGE Lesson 3 - 4

PREREQUISITES FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

1st. Principle: A right relationship to God is the basis for success in all relationships in life; which includes marriage.

This principle is best illustrated by the triangle principle.

God

Let's put some scripture with this triangle principle.

#1 Husband / wife Eph 5:22; Col. 3:18

#2 Second illustration: the child parent relationship Eph 6:1.

#3 Third illustration: Believer and the law/gov't. 1 Pet 2:13f

#4 Fourth illustration: Believer to believer relationship Eph 4:32

#5 Fifth illustration: master - servant; Col. 4:1

Ø The second section is Prerequisites for marriage to be successful revolves around the spiritual adjustments both need to make.

First need to look at the Human viewpoint adjustments.

1. Rationalization: this is the little device for giving us acceptable reasons for unacceptable conduct.

Let's look at one of the great rationalizers of scripture Saul. 1 Sam 13:8-14

2. Denial: Is the practice of ignoring or denying that a situation exists.

Example: Jas. 1:26 shows us how it is possible to blank out a whole area in our conscience.

Example: 1 John 1:8

3. Sublimation;

Definition: Giving a sin an acceptable outlet.

4. Direct attack: Response to a situation is temper tantrums.

5. Defense mechanisms: A device for protecting the mind from facts too strong to face. So what do we often do? Change the subject.

Example: John 4 with the woman at the well in Samaria. vs:16

THE SPIRITUAL ADJUSTMENTS

1. As believers we have got to learn to make an adjustment to personal sin.

2. There also must be as believers an adjustment to living the Christian life.

3. We must learn to adjust to reality.

4. Must adjust to the fact that life is full of pressures.

The Third Section: The Doctrinal Elements in Marriage - Passage is Eph 5:22f

Introduction: One thing we should note is that Eph is not a book about marriage.

First Doctrinal Element is relating the Triangle Principle to this passage.

Overview Eph. 5:18f

Marriage Study Handout for May 5, 2001

The Second Doctrinal Element here in this chapter is to give us an analysis of what love is.

This is important because Eph 5 will point out that valid love will have several observable things related to it.

There are at least 5 very clear cut factors, characteristics of love that are pointed out in this section.

1. Any genuine love is realistic. Eph. 5:25

For a successful marriage we must face the reality that she is a sinner but then, so are we husbands and we must also be realistic about that also if our marriage is to be successful.

2. Flowing from this realistic love we find that Love is sacrificial.

Something must always be given up in marriage, there is always sacrifice.

Love is very observable, something you can really see, is there acceptance in it, and is there real sacrifice involved in it.

3. Real Love, directed by the husband, is purposeful.

Paul here in the context is going to give us a dual purpose for marriage.

PURPOSE #1 - In love and marriage is to see the other grow in the Word; to see the full application of the word of God in the other's life.

PURPOSE #2: To see spiritual advance, maturity.

Note: Spots and wrinkles: something in the physical realm we work harder at getting rid of then unfortunately we do in the spiritual realm.

4. Real love is like the love we have for our bodies. Seen in 5:28-29

When the husband says that he loves his wife, he's saying that he loves her the same as himself, therefore this love then is to be unreserved.

5. The 5^th characteristic of love in marriage is seen in 5:31.

The idea here or element to focus on is that this love is exclusive.

Summary Observations:

1. Paul has brought love down to a very real, very practical level.

2. There is some real sweat, real work to love in marriage.

3. It's realistic, it accepts the person as they are, there must be a willingness to sacrifice for the other.

4. The purposeful aspect of love is most enlightening, because the purpose is related to something spiritual, to see the other grow and mature in the word and their relationship with Christ.

Marriage Study Handout for May 13, 2001

Analogy of Marriage Diagram

Leader - Head	Provider
		Lover

Ø Serious question: One to play poker on!

If the responsibility of the wife is to submit.

How many of you women, would have difficulty submitting to a man who was the initiator of a genuine love?

The single woman needs to very carefully consider the character of the man she is thinking of marrying!

Ø MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY IN MARRIAGE

1. Husband's imperative: LOVE your wife!! Eph 5:25

- True love is first an appeal to the will.

2. Next is the woman's imperative.

Note in the context of Eph 5 we do not have the imperative of submit; but we do have the concept of submitting as the response of the wife to her husband.

The word for submit is u`pota,ssw.

The concept of u`pota,ssw is to submit or respond. Always with the implication of willing, voluntary response; not coerced or enforced.

Ø Some other passages we need to look at.

#1. First one, Col. 3:18, here we have the actual command to submit/respond used of the wife.

Col. 3:19 "do not be embittered against them."

The idea here is, "Husbands love your wives and do get exasperated with them."

- This points out 2 things:

- First of all that in a situation like marriage which is so close, so intimate, the possibility of irritation rises dramatically.

- A second thing I believe that is here is that if Paul has to warn the husband about the possibility of bitterness, irritation towards the wife that Paul has his eyes wide open to the possibility that sometimes women can be very irritating and downright exasperating, and the husband may over react to it.

#2. Second Titus 2:4-5

Paul's emphasis here is on the teaching of these older women of the younger women.

The area of this teaching, this sound thinking here is to be directed toward younger women; subject loving their husbands.

#3. Third 1 Pet 3:1-9

In verse one he gives some limits to that attitude of submission.

What is the goal of her submission?

In vs:2-4 We see what makes a wife beautiful.

Ø The contrast here is between the artificial glamour of the world and the true beauty of the godly life.

Ø What Peter is doing here is urging balance and propriety with the emphasis on modesty and holy character.

In vs: 4 We have 2 characteristics that will be manifest in the wife with this inner beauty.

In vs:5-6 we have an example given of OT saints.

In vs:7 Peter has a few things to say to believing husbands.

May 20, 2001

Review

#4. 1 Pet 3:8-9 6 characteristics that are important in any close relationship and particularly so in marriage.

These are actually Christian virtues that should be found in all of us.

1. "let all be harmonious";

2. "sympathetic";

3. "brotherly";

4. "kindhearted"

5. "humble in spirit";

6. [comes out of verse 9] key phrase here is "not returning .... insult for insult"

Divorce and Remarriage: What are the Issues?

Introduction:

- One thing that should be kept in mind, although both are reporting on the same teaching of Jesus, both are written to different audiences with different frames of reference and therefore having different understanding of the issues.

The Teaching of Jesus Matt. 19:3-12; Mark 10:1-12

Background Matt. 19:3; Mark 10:2

- They were not asking whether divorce is allowable, but when it is allowable.

Jesus Response to the Pharisees - Begins with a question 10:3-4

They cite Deut. 24:1, they know what it says.

- The debate revolves around what "some indecency" refers to.

- Jesus response is very instructive, its related to the reason permission for divorce was given by Moses. Why is divorce permitted?

Mark 10:6-9; Matt. 19:4-6

Instead of becoming entrapped, Jesus rose above all their human disputing, returning to the original account of marriage in the creation story of Genesis 1—2.

Implications here:

First, Jesus affirms that man and woman were created as male and female at the beginning; there is no evolution.

Second, God never intended for a male to be married to a male, nor a female to another female, or for such couples to have a homosexual relationship.

Third, this marriage formed such a union that "they two shall be one flesh.

Fourth, this joining together was made by God and should not be separated or "put asunder” by man.

Mark 10:6 [Matt. 19:4]

"But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE."

Mark 10:7; Matt. 10:5

"FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER,"

Observations on the leaving, the uses of katalei,pw should help us to understand just what is involved in the "shall leave."

1. It is used of dying, leaving in the sense of dying.

2. It is used leaving and going to a far country.

3. It is used of leaving one in a certain state.

4. It is used also of leaving, forsaking, abandoning something.

Result of the leaving and cleaving, the commitment and intimacy.

Mark 10:8; Matt. 19:5b-6a

Now a unit, they have one destiny! [Divine design]

Mark 10:9; Matt. 19:6b.

"What therefore [conclusion based on the one flesh principle] God has joined together, let no man separate."

This word, joined together, pictures the way two people in marriage combine their efforts to achieve God's will for their married life together.

In Matt. 19:7 have the Pharisee's response to Jesus' teaching on divine design for marriage.

Did Moses command divorce? NO!

Jesus' reply gives the reason for Moses permissive regulations for divorce; this is seen in Matt. 19:8-9 noted earlier.

Any view of divorce and remarriage (taught in either Testament) that sees the problem only in terms of what may or may not be done has already overlooked a basic fact--divorce is never to be thought of as a God-ordained, morally neutral option but as evidence of sin, of hardness of heart.

There must be an evaluation of the spiritual impact on both parties as a result of the fracture of the marriage relationship.

but from the beginning it has not been this way.

Matt. 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; parallel what He taught earlier in Matt. 5:31-32

Much debate here on a number of issues.

What does the exception clause refer to?

May 27, 2001

Observations:

1. The exception clause:

- Matt. 5:32 "except for the cause of unchastity"

- Matt. 19:9 "except for immorality"

2. Uses of porneia!

#1 All expressions of porneia, whether unchastity or immorality originate from man's sinful nature. Mark 7:21; Matt. 15:19; Gal. 5:19

#2 It refers to sex out of wedlock which results in an illegitimate child. John 8:41

#3 It refers to incest. 1 Cor. 5:1

#4 It refers to sex with a prostitute. 1 Cor. 6:13-18

#5 It refers to adultery. 1 Thes. 4:3

#6 It refers to homosexuality. Jude 1:7

#7 It refers to sexual immorality within the practice of the pagan idolatry worship. 1 Cor. 10:8; Rev. 2:14, 20

3. Must also recognize that the exception clause is not a command!

4. In Mark 10:11 we find the innocent wife, whose husband has divorced her, written her a bill of divorce, but not for anything that would qualify under the exception clause, but has used the liberal for any reason to justify the divorce.

5. Mark 10:11, Matt. 5:32; 19:9, all make the point that if the divorce is not Biblically justified the subsequent remarriage is adultery.

6. What these guys must orient to as well as us today is that there is a difference in man's eyes/vpt and marriage in God's eyes. Isa. 5:8-9

7. Must ask, Why does God consider it adultery to remarry if the divorce is not Biblically justified?

8. What is adultery? Any way you cut it, it's sin! How do you deal with sin?

In Mark 10:12 we see the other side of the coin, again divine design.

This is a very significant statement, stands in contrast to Rabbinic law, oral and written tradition.

To get the flavor of the Rabbinic law that was followed at the time:

1. A man no matter what he did could not commit adultery against his wife.

2. If a man seduced another man's wife he committed adultery against that man not his wife.

3. While the woman committed adultery against her husband by any infidelity.

What we need to remember is that divorce is to be the exception not the norm!

What Jesus is instructing us through this context is that anyone who gets divorced and remarries for any reason other than the exception clause commits adultery.

Paul's Teaching 1 Corinthians 7

THE CORINTHIAN CONFUSION ABOUT MARRIAGE

Ø 7:1-2 Those considering marriage, some issues /questions, should I or shouldn't I.

Introduction - background

His 1st Statement is to those considering marriage.

7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.

7:2 But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

1. "it is good" - kalon good, honorable.

- through out the context, kalon, refers to a state that is commendable but not one that is commanded.

2. "not to touch a woman." euphemism to deal with something that is delicate or sensitive situation.

So Paul is saying it is good to stay single, it may not be the appropriate thing to do for all people!

Point of hermeneutics: Scripture must always harmonize, No passage to stand in contradiction to another!!

Whether you marry or stay single, the point from the context, evaluate the circumstances. (always in the light of WOG)

7:2 Getting married is okay also

Some have argued that with this passage Paul argues for a low view of marriage.

"But because of immoralities" - porneia

Ø Two Fundamental Principles of Marriage here.

1. Marriage is intended to be a permanent relationship!

2. Marriage is to be a Monogamous relationship.

7:3 Obeying God within Marriage!

"Let the husband fulfill his duty"

Ø There are three principles in these verses that when applied will go a long way to stabilizing and handling many marital problems.

1. How can the duty of indebtedness be carried out by a person who is totally self-centered?

- If either or both approach marriage with this view, that marriage is doomed, has built in the mechanism for self destruction.

- For the single, this passage gives some DVPT related to things that they should be evaluating while dating!

2. While head ship belongs to the man Biblically, duty and obligation is mutual.

- How well does the one your considering marrying carryout the obligations of everyday life??

3. Prin: Those who are married must consider the surrender of their Independence. [subject of 7:4]

7:4 Surrender of Independence

At first glance it looks like we have a contradiction here.

PRIN: In marriage separate ownership of one's person ceases!

THIS APPLIES FOR BOTH PARTIES!

Ø LET'S MAKE SURE WE'VE GOT A HANDLE ON THE THREE CONCEPTS HERE!!

1. Mutuality - does one party carry all the load?

2. Obligation - not always pleasant to fulfill;

3. Surrender - of independence.

7:5 Those married should avoid separation!

Paul says that there are times in a marriage when enough stress enters that relationship so that separation may be the needed course of action for a short time to resolve the issues!

"Stop depriving one another" avpostere,w + mh.

Paul is realistic and is recognizing that the ideal in marriage is not always realized and that there may be a need for a separation to relieve the stress in the relationship and he gives some conditions under which that may occur!

Guidelines given

#1 If there is a mutual consent.

"except by agreement"; su,mfwnoj

#2 Separation is to be for a limited time!

not only is it to be by mutual consent but is not to be open ended;

#3 Separation is to be devoted to Spiritual activity.

this is indicated by the purpose clause; "that you may devote yourselves to prayer"

Very basic spiritual principle: Cannot have a complete right relationship with others if you do not have a right relationship with God!

#4 The separation is to eventuate in Reunion!

#5 Must also see that there is a danger involved in separation!

Must be aware of the extent of Satan's activity!

Marriage Study Handout June 3, 2001

7:6 Verse 6 opens with a slight problem!

What is Paul saying?? If things get to such a state that separation is necessary, then these 5 conditions must be met.

Concession goes back to his permission to separate!

7:7 Some real strange interpretations come out of this verse.

Ø Several things to consider here:

1. Paul knew how to balance his desires against reality.

2. Paul demonstrates that personal feelings on a matter are not to be forced on someone else.

3. Charismatics always seeking some gift, something that is going to set them apart, motivated by an ego trip usually.

7:8 Begins some specific teaching concerning marriage.

Ø First takes up the Unmarried and widows in vs:8-9

There may be an overriding factor to be considered.

Ø What are the standard's for Sexual behavior? Biblically!

#1 It may be controlled;

#2 It may be satisfied - fulfilled

- #1 legitimately - only within marriage.

- #2 illegitimately through fornication.

7:10-11 Passage is directed towards married Believers

Whether to marry or stay single is optional, your choice, whether to stay married is NOT.

Ø What does it mean for a wife to leave her husband?

Ø When he says "not I but the Lord" he is saying this fits perfectly with what Jesus taught on the subject in Mk 10:11-12; Matt. 19:9; Lk 16:18.

Ø There is a question that needs to be evaluated at this point!

Ø Observations:

Paul's teaching here, his advice related to marriage is unique when compared to his teaching in any other area!

Ø Lets make sure we see what Paul has outlined here. 3 things!

#1 - vs:10 Describes the wife's obedience; she is not to leave her husband.

#2 - vs:11a Says, but if she does; describes her disobedience!

#3 - vs:11b Having left the marriage, here's two options for her

1. Remain unmarried; i.e. divorced

2. Be reconciled to her husband.

Marriage Study Handout June 10, 2001

1 Cor. 7:12-16 Instruction Directed to Mixed Marriages

Ø First a Prohibition for the Believing Party. (vs:12-13)

Mixed marriage, one a believer and the other an unbeliever.

- This would change the conditions of the marriage, the dynamics of it.

When Paul says that he is speaking "not the Lord" what does he mean?

Ø Principles of this section: 1 Cor. 7:12-15

1. The continuation of the marriage is the option of who? The Unbeliever!!

2. What does it mean to for the UB to "consent to live with her/him"?

3. What about the influence of the believing party?

- That leaves you with a question set apart to what??

- This influence extends to the children.

4. Conclusions from context

a. Have no justification to divorce or separate just because your mate is an unbeliever. Rem: choice is theirs whether they remain or not.

b. You as an advancing believer provide an ideal environment for the unbeliever and any children to be exposed to the gospel.

c. Your marriage is bonafide, under the one-flesh principle so that your children are legitimate in God's eyes.

Ø 7:15 The Marriage dissolved

What is the believer's response to be if the unbelieving partner no longer wants to maintain the marriage?

Three things the believer is to do in this case!!

1. Circumstance: if the unbelieving one leaves

2. Response to be taken: "let them leave!"

3. Freedom of the Believer

- "the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases,"

4. The Principle upon which the Believer operates.

- "but God has called us to peace."

What must be understood here is that Paul assumes that the believing partner is not compromising the application of truth in their life.

Ø 7:16 Wraps up this section dealing with a logical question that could easily be asked at this point!

- The effectiveness of your Christian witness is not promised!

Ø 7:17-24 See here the Principle of Status Quo - maintain as you are!

Deals here with some of the adjustments that New believers have to make within their niche.

Issue: What do we do with regards to some of the externals of life.

The status Quo idea flows from 2 statements in this context.

- The first is in vs:20 "let each man remain"

- The second important expression is in vs:24 "remain with God".

The external circumstances are irrelevant; your walking consistently with God is what is critical.

7:17a The first adjustment within our Niche

"Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one,

Paul only attacks those areas of life, those things which when not handled threaten the believers walk with the Lord.

7:17b Adjustment to our Heavenly calling.

"...as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And thus I direct all the churches."

Ø 7:18-24 Emphasis is on some Specific adjustments required of a new Believer.

7:18 A Prohibition

Paul says here that the external sign of being a Jew is irrelevant just as external circumstances in life are irrelevant to whether you can serve Christ and have a relationship with Him; Its your walk with the Lord that counts.

7:19 Paul's explanation.

"Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing."

- What's he saying? Externals are nothing!!

- What does matter??

"...the keeping of the commandments of God."

7:20 An Exhortation

This is a verse that has often been taken out of context and misused.

- often used to justify continued activity that is in disobedience to God.

7:21-22 There is an exception

What Paul is saying here is this, You concentrate on the walk, your relationship, and God will take care of the externals!

7:22 gives us what our perspective should be.

- The principle is this; Whatever our status or condition on earth, it is not a handicap in our relationship to the Lord.

Ø 7:23 The Clarification - Addresses both categories.

"You all (plural) both slave and free are bought with a price."

Ø 7:24 The Reiteration of the Exhortation

- The earthly conditions are irrelevant; Christian character is everything!

- The externals are not the issue but fellowship with God is!

** Does the condition, the niche in which you find yourself hinder you from expressing the character of Christ?